Just keeping up with another Summer Blog Challenge topic - What is the hardest part of parenting?
I find the lack of sleep, energy and time to be a constant struggle, but I think the hardest thing for me is how overwhelmingly out of control I feel some days.
I'm the sort of person who likes to be able to research what I'm doing, get a good idea what the 'plan' and general outcome are, create a strategy for getting there - and be able to check off successes as I bring the 'project' to 'completion'. I also like to feel like the 'expert' on whatever I am doing - which is a trait I inherited from my father who always encouraged me to become the 'expert' on everything I did in life.
I love being a parent - mostly - but I certainly don't feel like an 'expert'. Although I can make goals and begin the process of carrying them through, most days don't happen like I expect them to, and I mostly just feel like I'm living in a fog and my brain is constantly asking me questions, like:
"What were you supposed to do again?"
"Where are we?"
"Who is that little person running around your house?"
And I'm used to being the one with all of the answers - so feeling clueless is a pretty big hit on my ego.
The hardest part of parenting - for me - is definitely my inability to feel completely confident in what I am doing at all times, and the feeling that I'm always floundering just a little bit.
Is this normal for first-time parents? Does it get better with the second child? Does it get better as children grow older? Or will I always feel a little bit lost?